By Julie Godfrey Miller
Superior Catholic Herald

Local woman makes a difference in Wisconsin

SUPERIOR -- One young adult who is "under 40 and full of faith" is Tricia Duhaime. At age 37, she is trying to make a difference, not only in the Diocese of Superior, but throughout the state of Wisconsin.

Duhaime is a regional coordinator for the Wisconsin Abstinence Initiative for Youth and works part time for the Diocese of Superior as a Catholic Campaign for Human Development (CCHD) grant specialist. WAIY is a federally funded education program administered by the Department of Health and Family Services.

Through the difficult experience of having a baby at 17, and raising him by herself, Duhaime found a renewed faith in God and found her calling, spreading the word about faith and abstinence to young people.

As a young girl, Duhaime said, she thought she had her whole future mapped out. She was going to graduate from high school, go to college, travel the world, and live in a big city. She even thought about becoming a model. There was no part for marriage or kids in her planned life, she said. She was going to be the sophisticated, liberated woman.

Duhaime said that while she was in high school, she started dating a boy she thought was the best thing ever. He was her first love -- the first person she had really dated. After about a year and a half, when she was 17, they became sexually active. She said, "I got pregnant a.s.a.p."

She said her first thought was: "There's no way this can be happening to me." In the past she had always been optimistic and had always been able to find a way around any difficulty. Now, she said, she was faced with something she couldn't change.

Duhaime said her disbelief was so strong that it was a couple of months before she went to see a doctor. She said many thoughts were going through her head. "What am I going to do?" "What will this do to my family?" She said she was ashamed and felt she had let herself, her family and God down.

Duhaime said she was initially afraid to tell her mother she was pregnant, because she was so ashamed, but "mom was really helpful and encouraging. She accepted and welcomed Robert into the world, and was understanding, empathetic and supportive."

"It was really a relief. The huge (secret) I was carrying around was (now) out there," Duhaime said.

She gave birth to her son, Robert, one month before her 18th birthday.

For the first years of Robert's life, Duhaime worked a variety of part-time jobs to support the two of them. Robert spent some time in daycare and at other times was cared for by members of Duhaime's family.

When she was 21, she started at a community college and then moved on to the University of Wisconsin-Superior. Duhaime said all she did was go to school and work. She clerked in a convenience store, did some telephone soliciting, worked in a daycare center -- taking on various odd jobs that came along. She also took out student loans.

She earned a degree in social work from UWS in 1994, and got a job working for the Diocese of Duluth, Minn., in social services and the CCHD.

Despite the difficulties, Duhaime sees Robert as the biggest blessing in her life. "God wanted him here," she said, and added that she could reel off a whole list of things, all of the gifts he has given to her life. "Because of Robert I am now the person that I am -- that I wouldn't be without Robert."

She said Robert has taught her real, unconditional love -- how to give sacrificial love. She said that through Robert she also learned about faith, God, perseverance and what is really important in life.

"He took me from that whole idea of being full of self to looking at my faith," she said. "I thought, 'My God, he counts on me for everything in order to live.' In that moment I decided to be the best that I could be for him."

That included asking, "what did I need from faith for him," she said, and that started her looking at Catholic Church.

Duhaime had been raised a Baptist, but had not been to church in years. "I thought it was time to get back to going to church, she said, but "I didn't feel a calling to go back to the Baptist church."

She said she had some familiarity with Catholic rituals, since she had a grandfather who was Catholic.

Duhaime went through the RCIA program and became a Catholic at age 22. Her son was baptized right after she was.

At the time Robert was already attending Holy Rosary School in Duluth. She said, "I wanted a private education for him and I wanted something that focused on faith. I was pretty sure that I was going to become Catholic -- and it was just knowing it was a good school." She added that "the (cost) was a lot less important than what he was going to get from being there."

Duhaime said there were things she questioned during RCIA, but she decided she would either accept all of the church's teachings, or none of them. She accepted them all, even though she didn't always understand everything. She said, "I sought answers. No, God gave them to me."

Duhaime said when she entered the Catholic Church she had made a pledge to herself to be chaste until marriage. She had previously decided to be abstinent, but when she became Catholic, she said, "I completely embraced the idea of a chaste life."

She said she now understood that "sex is something that's blessed inside of marriage, that's used for procreation and for experiencing love to your spouse. If I waited, my marriage would be better because of it."

After working for the Diocese of Duluth for a time, and then as a social worker at St. Mary's Hospital in Duluth, Duhaime joined Catholic Charities in Superior in 1999, to work on adoptions. At the time Catholic Charities was considering expanding their adoption program to include abstinence education, Duhaime said, so they sent her for training to become a certified abstinence educator.

She had already been speaking about the subject before that, but after being certified could do more to promote abstinence. Duhaime said that she was giving these talks on her own, and not on behalf of Catholic Charities. In giving the presentations, Duhaime said, she realized that kids really wanted to know these things.

During this time she was referred to WAIY. Annie Miller, the director of the program, asked Duhaime to be on the state board for the program. Duhaime later became one of the independent contractors promoting abstinence in Wisconsin.

Her role as a consultant initially involved supporting organizations that taught abstinence and helping to distribute educational materials on abstinence. Then, WAIY began setting up abstinence clubs for teens, based in schools, community organizations, and churches, and Duhaime now helps to establish these clubs. Through WAIY, she also promotes True 2 Life, a group of five to six older teens (17 to 22) who travel around the state sharing their personal stories about sex, teen parenting and abstinence. True 2 Life is a program led by the AIDS Resource Center of Wisconsin.

In addition to her role with WAIY, Duhaime also gives presentations on her own, not only about abstinence, but also on how to live a daily faithful life. She said she tries to motivate people to be the best they can be in their faith and tells audiences to love God, know God, and serve God. "When all is said and done, that's all that's going to matter," Duhaime said.

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© Superior Catholic Herald, 2006