By Julie A. Miller
Catholic Herald

Couple credits relationship to Marriage Encounter

CUMBERLAND -- Ron and Bev Haverly, members of St. Anthony Abbot Parish in Cumberland, have been married for 29 years. Like all couples, their life together has had its ups and downs.

The last few years have been particularly stressful for them. In 1996 they had to leave their four grown children behind in the Midwest and relocate to Colorado, where Ron's bother, David, and sister, Mary Ann, lived. David was suffering from ALS, commonly known as Lou Gehrig's disease. Mary Ann was taking care of David's two sons, and at the same time trying to start a business. She and David needed help and Ron and Bev responded to the call.

Things didn't work out with the business and after two years the Haverlys decided to come back home to Cumberland. They brought David and his two sons, then 13 and 14, with them. David went into a nursing home.

"The nursing home was right next to the high school so the guys could go over to see him every night," Ron said. David passed away in February 2000. His son Dane, now 16, continues to live with the Haverlys.

Alongside the sadness of David's death, the year 2000 was filled with special joys. Their son Jason, 28, and daughter Jodi, 24, were both married, and daughter Sara, 22, became engaged. In addition, their daughter Hollie, 26, presented them with their third grandchild.

The Haverlys credit their involvement with Marriage Encounter for their ability to get through the bad times and find joy in their marriage.

They attend their Marriage Encounter retreat early in 1991 and that fall were asked to join the team putting on the weekend programs. "We've been presenters since then. That's really made us grow because you really have to look at yourself and the things that you are doing. We get 100 percent more out of Marriage Encounter than we give, that's for sure," Bev said.

They have learned to handle crisis situations differently by trusting in God and realizing that he is in charge, not them. Ron said that knowing other people share the same problems also helps.

"Marriage Encounter has made me see that what's happening is a normal kind of thing and it wasn't just me. Other people go through the same cycle," Ron said. "After Marriage Encounter you can see these cycles and your down parts. Your lowest cycles are not as bad. You recover more quickly because your trust in God and each other has come up."

The strength of their marriage -- and of their Marriage Encounter friends -- has served as inspiration for the Haverly children. They were touched when daughter Sara told them about a conversation she had with her fiance Bud. He had said, "Your parents really love each other, don't they?' and Sara had replied, "Yes, that's what I want for us."

Couples of all ages attend Encounter weekends and the Haverlys questioned whether couples married many years could still benefit. They finally found the answer in the comments of one elderly gentleman, who said, "Just because we've been married for 50 years doesn't mean we don't put scar upon scar."

Bev summed up her marriage and her life. "You try to do the best that you can do. ... I used to think that I needed to look for miracles and the extraordinary, but I know that's not true at all anymore. Miracles happen all the time and it's in the ordinary that you find the true meaning of life."

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© Superior Catholic Herald, 2001